Well, maybe not realizations specifically. I was aware when I put the last post up that it might come off as kind of whiny or self-absorbed… maybe even arrogant in some respects, so I wrestled with whether I’d even post it or not, but… since it’s my place to post stuff I’m thinking about, I went ahead.

But I should mention that overall, I’m extremely blessed and grateful for all that I have been given in this life. While I did write about declining looks, I’m also thankful that I know there are people who don’t think that way. Or even if they do, they still love me anyway. What more could anyone ask for in life? I’m thankful for those that let me know that they love me and care. So I thought I should clarify that I’m not down on life or feeling unappreciated.

It probably would sound like a lack of self-esteem in today’s terms, but I’ve never really felt like lack of self-esteem was my problem. My problem was/is pride- or too much esteeming of myself. On that understanding, I’ll be as self-effacing as I can be at times, in an attempt to bring my spirit in line with reality. The post about realizing I’m not as attractive anymore is based on some observations, but the point was never to engender pity. The point in both realizations is to move from some vanity to 1) focusing efforts on helping others and serving the Lord, and 2) focusing conversations less on myself and more on others. 

One last point: I guess I could just delete the “realizations” post, but I don’t think I want to. I’ve added this post to clarify, but I didn’t want to just remove the previous one as if I never thought that way. I felt what I felt, and even if I decided it was wrong, it would still be a testament to what I felt at the time. The blog and its posts will be a record. It lets anyone who cares see what’s happening. And as I’ve written before, probably all of us think of ourselves as the ‘average’, and I know I like to see what’s happening, so I just assume others would want the same. But that’s just me.