So yesterday I cleaned up some posts that didn’t fit in the blog’s format, but I deleted one that I probably shouldn’t have, and it had to do with relationships.

I was thinking about how much I love the process of getting to know someone. As I learn about that person, what they like and don’t, my own behavior modifies. I’m not talking about doormat stuff like- this person hates X. I love X, but because I want to be with this person, I’ll just stop doing X because they don’t. Or conversely, start doing something I hate just because the other person wants it.
Now, of course, there are times and ways in which some of that DOES happen. If my wife hated certain shows that I might like, I’ll just not bother with those shows. She, doesn’t really like reading, and I do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t read, I read ALOT. I just curb when I do it so it doesn’t interfere with our time together.

What I’m talking about is- I do things A, B, C, D, and E. She thinks things B, and C are adorable, is indifferent about A or E, and doesn’t really like D. Well, if I care about what she thinks, which I obviously do, then I’ll probably just end up ditching D, and ramping up on B and C.

And over the years, I’ve done exactly that. There will be some response and she’ll tell me- that’s adorable. Well, I want to be adorable, at least to her… so I will respond in that way.  

It’s natural selection for traits we like, and given enough time, we mold ourselves into someone that the other person in the relationship likes more.  

I was originally thinking about romantic relationships, but this probably works on all relationship levels. I will talk politics with someone who enjoys politics, soccer with someone who enjoys soccer, and books with someone who enjoys books. But I’m not going to bother trying to jam politics into the conversation with the person who would rather talk about sports.

This is an ongoing process of figuring out what the other person likes, and then accommodating that. 

Doing the opposite, at least on purpose, would be just trying to push the other person’s buttons.