Well, not literally, of course, since half the world’s population does it every day, but I think America Ferrera’s monologue is really addressing what many see as contradictory and unrealistic standards for women. 

There are two general complaints: 1) contradictory standards and 2) unrealistic standards. 

The real issue I see is what she says in the penultimate sentence: I’m so tired of watching [women] tie themselves into knots so people will like us. 

Contradictory standards 
Let’s imagine I wear a pink shirt to work. One friend says: Hey, that shirt looks great. A second friend says, Pink is a girl’s color, you shouldn’t be wearing that.
I might deduce that it’s just impossible to be a man because I’m getting contradictory standards! But the issue isn’t that it’s impossible to be a man, it’s that it’s impossible to please everyone because different people have different standards. These aren’t even contradictory standards, they are just different standards: the distinction being that different people hold them. At the risk of sounding pedantic, if person A holds two different standards- X and not-X, then that person is holding contradictory standards. If person A holds the standard of X, and person B holds the standard of not-X, then those aren’t contradictory standards, they are just different standards held by different people.  

So when some of the complaints in the monologue are contradictory, the character complains that it’s just impossible. Well, yeah, it’s impossible to please everyone, but then… so what? 

There’s an ancient fable collected by Aesop about a man, a boy, and a donkey. 

“A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said, “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way. 

But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said, “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.” 
So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.” 
Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passersby began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. 
The men said, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours – you and your hulking son?” 
The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to a bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned.” 

The moral of the story is that people are going to complain no matter what. It’s not a woman problem, it’s a human problem. The standards will be contradictory if you listen to everyone.

The only way you can perhaps get to this being ‘contradictory’ is if you use a reification trick, as in saying something like “society” holds contradictory standards for women. But of course ‘society’ isn’t a person, or even a thing with its own agency, it is merely the collection of different individuals that make up the whole, which we call society.

Unrealistic standards 
Some of the standards quoted in the monologue would fall in the category of “the ideal”. There are people out there who meet the ideal, or pretty close to it. But most of us… nah. I think of the male ideal of 6 foot, 6 figures, and 6 pack. I’m capped out at 5’9″, and I’ll never make 6 figures. I used to have a 6 pack so… one outta three ain’t bad I guess… but hey, that’s an ideal. I don’t worry about being an ideal, and I don’t generally worry about anyone else not being the ideal. Every once in a while I run across someone who is pretty close. Years ago I had a shoulder surgery, and the doctor was like 6’1″, younger, blonde, great looking, super nice and personable too… and I just thought- lucky bastard! But I don’t hold any grudge, or feel like I’m not measuring up to him. Yeah, I’m well aware that 99% of women would pick him in a choice between me and him, but that’s the breaks. I could also measure myself against some others and pretty confidently believe that 99% of the women would pick me. So what? That’s not the way life works.  I suppose the closer someone is to the ideal, the more attractive they are in a general sense, but attraction works in mysterious ways and most of us end up meeting and falling in love with people who aren’t the ideal.  

So sure, the ideals for women are unattainable for most. Just as the ideals for men are unattainable for most too. Because ideals are… ideals… if they were easily attainable, they wouldn’t be ideals anymore by the simple fact of their being so commonplace.  

Again, the issue seems to be that women, as a group, seem to feel their non-idealness much more. Guys think… whatever. If anyone thinks YOU ought to be closer to the ideal than THEY think YOU are, that’s on them, and their opinion can be considered like a butthole: everyone has one, and they usually stink. 

I can imagine the pushback on this would be: whatever unrealistic standards are put on men, it’s amplified 10x for women. I would probably grant this point, but I’d grant it as a consequence of the fact that women take the criticism more to heart than men. Advertisers can prey on women much more effectively than they can on men in these areas, so they do. They suggest you aren’t ‘up to par’ if you aren’t using some product. And women are likely more susceptible to that. I don’t want to make it seem like men are perfectly balanced counterpoints to women- we are even bigger idiots… just in other ways.  

Women, in general, are more likely to take personal complaints to heart than men, and that can lead to men, finding they have an effective, even if rotten, way of motivating women, to utilize this.  

Perhaps this is the feminist response- to try and convince women not to give in to this. And like many tactical approaches, you turn it up to 11, knowing that the compromise will result somewhere in the middle. I don’t really know what the answers are to these questions, but in thinking about this, these are some of my thoughts. Take them or leave them… I don’t care… cause I’m a guy.