19. You are interested in so many things that you find it difficult to choose what to try next
I feel like I will have already discussed some of this in the sections on random topics that pique my interests and finishing one project before starting another.
I suppose the thing different in this statement is determining whether I find it difficult to choose what to tackle next. I am interested in a lot of things, but I sort of just go with them as they come up, so it’s not a particularly difficult task to choose.
On the spectrum, I’m not sure if the relevant thing here is how many things I’m interested in, or the amount of difficulty I have in choosing which of them to pursue next. But thinking about it, the difficulty would only arise if I’m interested in so many things, and since that would dependent on many interests, I feel like it can’t be the thing the statement is trying to gauge. So, I’m probably a 2. (every statement is followed by a spectrum of 7 buttons you can mark. The first button is agree to the left, the seventh all the way to the right is disagree; and the fourth button, right in the middle, would be neutral.)
20. You are prone to worrying that things will take a turn for the worse
In general, no. But that’s come through experience.
Probably within the first five years of marriage, we weren’t making much money, and bills were mounting up, and my wife, who takes care of the bills, came out with a stack of bills due and tells me: ‘we’re goners!’ I think I had enough trust to think that even so, we’d make it through somehow. We, of course, survived, and both laugh about the situation now, but it’s an illustration of why, with experience, I don’t panic every time a situation looks glum. But I can tell you I did.
When we first moved up to our first place up in Monrovia, I had been called to come up and work with the youth group there. So one of the deacons had a small place that he let us have for cheap. It was 375 sq ft. And only 350 bucks a month. It was in a nice area up close to the foothills. The first month I started to panic and ran to him to tell him I didn’t think I was gonna be able to make the rent. He just told me calmly to settle down, things would work out, and if I needed to, he could work with me on the rent timing. I don’t know if I’m an optimist, pessimist, or realist by nature. Probably I was just an inexperienced kid who marched off into the unknown with no idea what I was doing. But my first tastes of that responsibility certainly gave me some panic.
Years ago when I was working in construction, my boss told me all you can do is keep working. You might be behind on bills, creditors calling up, whatever… as long as you have work, keep working and the money will come in at some point. I’ve kept that mindset through my life- just keep my nose to the grindstone and keep working as long as I have work. Thank God, I’ve had work and He’s provided for me
Over the years, especially when I was working freelance, I had times when I thought we’d never get out from under the debt. Then it was my turn to go to my wife and say: I think we’re goners! But by that time, she’d learned to trust the Lord a little more and she’d calm me down. See the Lord come through a few times and you start to figure out that maybe He’ll do it again and trust builds up.
At this point, I don’t worry too much about it.
But… if there is a situation on the horizon that could turn south, I do try to think of what could go wrong and plan for it. I have less concern for what happens if it turns out well, since hey, it’s turning out well, so no worries.
21. You avoid leadership roles in group settings
I don’t seek leadership roles out, but I don’t avoid them either. One way or another, leadership roles seem to find me.
My route to becoming a leader in the church started happening like this:
I was terrible at praying out loud. I was scared, I didn’t know what to say… so I decided I should join the men’s prayer group at church so I could learn. After a while, everyone else dropped out and I was the only one praying. I just showed up and prayed on the appointed night. For about 6 months or so, I was the only one there. Then one night, a group of guys showed up and I was the leader.
Kind of like one of those jokes where there’s a line of men, and the leader calls out for someone to step forward to volunteer for a project. Everyone else steps backward except one guy, and the leader says thanks for volunteering.
In 2000 I joined the worship team. Now I joined specifically to lead some services, so I could relieve the current leader. But in 2006, he left to start his own church, and I found myself in charge of the entire operation. This kind of thing has happened repeatedly to me, but every time it did, I just took the responsibility.
I believe, at least in the positions I’ve been in, it comes down to willingness to accept responsibility.
In studying leadership, actual leadership starts with who people will follow. Which is why I am not seeking any kind of leadership role anymore in the church. I do head up the drive thru prayer ministry, but other than that, I’m trying to avoid being called back into it.
To be honest, I think what they are looking for is really just someone to take responsibility. I have shown a willingness to do that. But the ‘having people follow me’ part of leadership is where I think I’m not really qualified. I don’t think people want to do what I’m doing. I don’t have that type of charisma that makes people want to follow me. At church, most people have been more pretty respectful and they don’t challenge or badmouth me. But I’ve never noticed any particular inclination for people to follow me either. To be honest, I’m ok with that. By nature I’m not really all that interested in leading people. I kind of want to do my own thing. If people want to do that too, cool… if they don’t, see ya on the other side. I’ve no interest in trying to motivate or cajole people or move them in a direction. So in a very basic sense, I’m not a leader. I’ll take responsibility, but I’m not a natural leader.