Apropos of a few previous posts, the young lady I occasionally watch on YouTube recently posted a video of another girl she saw on TikTok addressing other women. The TikTok girl’s point was that men aren’t typically intimidated by women’s earning status. Courtney Ryan agreed and said she had found the to be true as well, AND… it’s something she said she had NEVER heard from another woman. I had heard this online but found it unlikely. Courtney Ryan mentioned that one of the things she hears from the type of girl who considers herself a #BossBabe is that men are intimidated by her earning status, but Miss Ryan felt that was wrong, and basically an excuse for bad behavior that men don’t want to put up with. 

I’ll once again state that I mention this only because it is evidence in the direction I felt, but this time not coming as a man’s perspective on women, but from another two women’s perspectives on women. 

I can honestly say I’ve not met many women that have the “I’m intimidating to men” attitude. I have one girl I work with who probably feels this way, and to be honest, I think she’s great.  

I don’t say any of this to pick on women at all, who I in general love. I love the way women think, I love their femininity, their outlook, their softness… I just generally like being around women. 

I’m convinced part of the reason I enjoy women is because I grew up with two sisters and no brothers. So I had plenty of experience with girls in my formative years.  

Ironically enough, about the only woman I don’t really get along with is one of those sisters: the one closest to me in age. I don’t think that has anything to do with her being a woman, it has to do with her own flawed perceptions. But I won’t get in to all the why’s here, but a lot of has to do with her belief that I should have done more with her kids when they were growing up. That belief itself carries with it a set of conditions/beliefs: 1) her kids have some deep problems, and 2) those could have been mitigated had I had more input. 

But I had enough experience with my sister to know that she does not take kindly to criticism, or even questioning her, of any kind, even the most constructive. So I learned long ago that if she was doing something I didn’t agree with, I got out of the way and let her do her thing. She was a school teacher, with a PhD in psychology. She wasn’t going to listen to anyone “less than” her about such things, so the entire family just got out of her way and let her apply her theories to raising her kids. Well, the results have been less than stellar. She understands this implicitly, and that’s the reason she’s upset. Her kids’ lives went off the rails under her parentage, and now she’s upset that someone, mainly me, didn’t step in and do more to help the kids. 

Over the years, we have had our ups and downs, several of which I’ve posted on before. At times, I won’t even speak to her, and I do my best to steer clear of her, as she typically does to me too. 

But recently she started speaking to me again in a sort of thaw of relations. Even so, imagine my surprise when I got a call asking for advice about what to do with the latest situation. 

To set up the basics: my sister lives with my mom and aunt at mom’s house. She doesn’t pay rent, she doesn’t help with any of the housework. She does help with getting my mom to doctor’s appts, but only if she isn’t upset with someone about something. Her youngest daughter, JL, (mid 20s) moved in some years ago, by just showing up and crashing with her. She had two kids, and added a third since. She is a classic welfare queen/user, who regularly takes off and leaves her two older kids without saying anything.  

We are at the point of having to make a decision about JL, and the options are: 

1) things stay as they are, with everyone putting up with JL’s nonsense. 

2) my sister moves to take custody from her daughter 

3) the kids end up in the state foster system. 

To 1), things can’t stay the same. The house is in constant turmoil. While neither my sister, nor her daughter, are my responsibility, my mom is. For my mom’s sake, JL needs to go. 

To 2), my sister is 58 and has health problems. She is physically not in a great place to be a parent again. We all love the kids (6 and 5 year olds) but no one is in a place to be able to take them. AND there is the fact that JL wouldn’t voluntarily relinquish them. They are a meal-ticket for her- she gets money from the state per child, and there is no way she’s going to give that up on her own. 

To 3), California is probably the worst state in the entire nation for kids in the foster system. Nobody wants these beautiful kids to end up in foster care.  

My sister doesn’t want to make the call. I get it, I don’t either. But now she wants me to tell her what to do about her daughter. Option 1 isn’t really an option. JL needs to go, and we’ll take steps to remove her. Option 2 is possible, but at great sacrifice. Option 3 is looking more likely, and it sucks. 

I’ve been praying about it since I found out last night and my stomach is sick thinking about it. 

I counseled 3) as the most reasonable option, just praying that somehow, against the odds, the kids would find better homes than they have now.  

But I also suggested that she pray and ask the Lord what to do. I have been praying, I sought prayer from some people who I respect, and who have been through this scenario themselves. But this is no fun at all. 

Like I said up front- meandering post. I went from a dating video, to family relations, to asking for prayer for this current situation.