I have tried over the past two years to keep in touch with my two sons ever couple of weeks. For my youngest son, who lives in Vegas, that means a phone call every couple of weeks. He isn’t the loquacious type, so I usually need come to the table armed with some topics, but I almost always have a variety of different thought trains I’ve been considering over a few days, and some of those will come in useful. As it happens, we got to talking about the prevalence of anxiety in younger people these days. I asked him if he had noticed his own age group or those he works with if they mentioned this as a problem. He had in fact heard from several that seemed to suffer from it. But then he mentioned that every one suffers from some level of anxiety in certain situations. I guess I had for whatever dumb reason, just forgotten about this fact. I too get anxious in certain situations. Who doesn’t? 

Lots of people are extremely afraid of speaking in front of others. I had a friend in school that would get physically ill on days when we’d have to do a speech. Another obvious and probably universal fear is boy/girl stuff- feeling an attraction to someone but not knowing if they’re going to reciprocate. At some point, you just have to jump out there and try it. Over time, we learn to read signs and figure out when someone has an interest… or not.

A couple of things I listened to recently has this on my mind. The first I ran across was a series of youtube videos by a young woman named Courtney Ryan. She gives, I guess, what would be called lifestyle/dating advice. Now I’m not in need of any dating advice, but I was fascinated by the kinds of things she, and apparently young people her age are dealing with. The dating world she describes would probably be anxiety inducing in the most emotionally healthy people. But I have no way to know if it’s really any worse than it was when I was younger.

But that brings me to another discussion I listened to between Bret Weinstein and Iona Italia. Iona Italia is an argentine and a tango dancer. Bret himself, while growing up here in LA, spent a lot of time in Latin America, where he mentioned that couples dancing is still very much a thing. One of the components of a culture of couples dancing is a sort of formalized ritual of dating/mating. Dance becomes a way young people learn how to read each other. They do so within the societal structures that are laid out- so that each can learn what to do and what to expect. As they practice, they learn to navigate the dynamics- what works and what doesn’t.

We, here in the US, haven’t had a couples dancing culture since probably the 50s, so only the older folks at this point would have grown up with this sort of thing.  The tango dancer, for example, describes one of the formalized rituals in the search for a partner. A young man will look around the room and try to catch the eye of a prospective partner. If she catches his eye and is interested, she will hold the look. At that point, he will nod his head and make his way over to her, and they will begin the dance. If she isn’t interested, then she will break contact and keep looking around.  Undoubtedly something like this dynamic is at play in various activities where men and women interact. One typical one I notice is on the elevators at work. Both men and women, if uninterested in any conversation, will simply turn away and intently stare at their phone. If they are off their phone, I understand they are ok with me saying a few things to them.

Returning to the dance rituals, the dynamics are more formalized, and that gives the interplay enough structure that those involved know what to expect, and gives them the chance to learn how to play the game. There were many more examples of this in the dance itself, but for now, you get the picture. 

I have a friend, a Brazilian woman, who is afraid of a lot. She has asked me at various times how I did things without being afraid, and the thing is, I AM afraid at times. The difference is that she won’t do the thing if she is afraid, whereas most of us face up to the fear and do the thing even when we are. Courage, by definition, requires one to be afraid of the thing when facing it, otherwise there is nothing to overcome.

I admire those that face their own fears. They build their own character in facing tasks that seem daunting, and yet forge ahead. It of course helps those of us that are believers to know that when we do what the Lord is calling us to, he will equip us with everything we need. We might be blindly forging ahead, according to what can see, but we fully know and trust that the God who called us to such a field knows exactly what is needed and will supply it graciously. But a big part of that faith is still going to require we step out in spite of our fears.

But it’s in those moments of doubt and in the face of fear, that courage rises up and we find the strength to step out. I’m sure the Lord will bless you and reward you for doing so.