Part of my character is that I take people at face value, and tend to give them the benefit of the doubt on things. If something happens that could be interpreted as a little off, but has a plausible alternative explanation, I’ll usually assume the better of them and their motives.
I have run across some people in life that I’ve been suspect of from the beginning, but it’s rare for me. It’s just that some people make it so obvious that it doesn’t take any real discernment or wisdom at all; they just ooze distrust in almost everything they do and say.
However, by and large, I’ve found most people I run across to be decent people. Even if they let me down here or there, I tend to not worry too much about it because I know that I’ve let others down too. I didn’t mean to harm them, but I did either through stupidity or foolishness, rather than malice.
In fact, I have a friend who quotes something to that effect: “Never assume malice when simple stupidity will suffice.”
I never go into a situation meaning to hurt someone. But it has happened on occasion that I have…. even though I didn’t mean to. So again, with that in mind, I’m more disposed these days to be lenient, forgiving, gracious, and think the best. It also just happens to be my natural personality.
This can be a good thing, and in fact, I tend to get along really well with nearly everyone. But of course, every once in a while, I can misjudge a situation and it can turn out badly, both for myself and the other person. In those instances I have to wear my mistake and accept that I misjudged the situation.
Even then, I’m very slow to REALLY condemn the other person.
1) They might have made the same mistake as I did: in other words, maybe they meant well and misjudged. That happens. There’s no need to think badly of someone just because they might have done something that turned out badly. I wouldn’t want others judging me that way, so I try to be mindful of that.
2) Maybe they meant it in the moment: they did, or said, something hurtful, but they didn’t really mean it. I’m less given to this, but it’s still just an error in judgment. We can all make those, and I’ve done it so often myself that I find it hard to hold any grudge over something like this.
But even if I’m a fool at times for it, I’d still rather give people the benefit of the doubt. I could try being mistrustful of others, but I just don’t think that way and I don’t want to.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 gives us a standard of love:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
I’d like to try and hold on as much as I can to being patient and kind, not being easily angered, keeping no record of wrongs, always trusting and hoping. I’m not forwarding myself as any model of perfect love here. It’s because I’ve been such an idiot at times that I needed recourse to people’s patience and kindness, to their not being easily angered, not recalling my wrongs, their trusting me even after my failures, and their hope that I could, in fact, do better. That last one…… I know in my head, in my intentions, that’s something I strive for. When I biff it… I can guarantee you I’m not happy about it and hope to do better. I’d appreciate it if the other person would recognize I wasn’t acting out of malice, and would think the same of me that I think of myself: do better next time.
So I want to treat people that way too.