On a topic related to forgiveness, I was going through my prayer time this morning- which can sometimes be ‘thought processing time’ and was processing thoughts about…. thought processing. I wondered how important it might be, at least for me, in the process of the refining fire. So, in the bible, we are told that we will go through many trials. The trials are hardships, which are elsewhere likened to a refining fire. That is, when heat is applied to a melted metal, impurities are brought to the surface so they can be skimmed off and the metal ultimately purified. 

Hardships bring something out in us. The difficulties come to our lives and then the impurities that we work so hard to hide come out: vengeful thoughts, anger, spite… unforgiveness…
If the refining process metaphor is accurate, then once those things come up, there should be a way to skim them off and in so doing, purify the person. It of course doesn’t HAVE to purify the person, if the impurities come up- all the nastiness that comes out of us when we go through difficult times- and they don’t get skimmed off…. then the metal is no more purified than before. So how do I skim off the nastiness that comes out?

Today I was wondering if the thought-processing that happens for me while I’m in prayer is a part of that. I consider the issue by thinking what the person did, my possible responses, and then turning over what exactly was wrong with things that were said on both sides, possible motives, possible responses, etc. If the process always ends with me being perfectly in the right and the other person being a completely malicious actor, it seems I’m never going to be able to skim off the dross, because I won’t see it as dross. I need to see the wrong or gross parts of my own actions and only then will I be able to skim them off.
Now, even then, this makes it sound real easy. Just identify the dross and skim it off. Except, when we are talking about wanting revenge on someone for something they did wrong to us, we can see that not as revenge, but as ‘justice’. We can convince ourselves that our anger is righteous… and humans LOOOOOVE righteous anger- it allows us to vent it AND feel good about it- a win/win! So it becomes difficult to identify what is wrong with our actions, but even when we’ve done so, even if we recognize a reaction that we shouldn’t be having… HOW do we actually get rid of those things??
I don’t know!

But I’m wondering if the thought process itself is part of it. Of course there has to be some reflection on, and recognition of, my actions that are sinful. But maybe just working through these things in my thought life is part of bringing them up and then letting them go. Of course a big part of it is the bigger picture. It may well be that someone has genuinely treated me wrongly. It helps me, when I think about how little they might deserve my forgiveness, to remember how much less I deserve forgiveness from a righteous God. And this I genuinely feel. I know very well I am not deserving of any forgiveness from the Lord. I have committed ugly, ugly sins, and done so despite the Word of God explicitly saying don’t do this, and the Holy Spirit screaming at me to NOT to do it; and even then, in full knowledge that it was wrong, and with the Holy Spirit actively warning me not to, I went ahead and did it anyway. I can’t be any more culpable than that. So if someone else is hurt and acts out against me, even if they do so maliciously, I know what they are doing isn’t nearly as bad as what I did. In light of that bigger picture that includes God forgiving me, I find it easier to forgive anyone else.

God’s forgiveness is actually THE key to all this. But in practical terms- I need that thought process of: considering what happened, turning over in my mind the words, possible motives, and possible responses to it, to come to grips with the situation, understand what the impurities are, and then, having identified them, slowly work on getting them out.
Removing impurities from our lives is of course not something easily done, even recognizing what they are. There are certain outward actions that we can maybe more easily remove, since it is an action. But when it comes to interior things- thoughts we have… those are much harder to control. We can physically control ourselves to not hit someone we’re angry with. But it is much harder to control whether we are angry or not.
You know, looking back on all I wrote, I’m noticing that there’s nothing particularly profound in here- I’m not even sure I said anything of value at all, but I’m going to let it stand anyway. It’s just part of my processing through thoughts.