Reconnect to the masculine or feminine within you.

“Do not be afraid to bring out the more sensitive or ambitious sides to your character. These repressed parts of you are yearning to be let out.”
We all have a mixture of qualities that are traditionally assigned to masculine or feminine categories. But in order to play to the prototypes of our gender, we will sometimes repress qualities that are seen as belonging to the opposite side. But by doing so, we can also lose important dimensions of our character. It may be helpful then to look inside and develop those characteristics that may have been repressed.  

Gender Projection Types
There are many variations of gender projection, but here are six of the most common. Try and recognize any of these in yourself. Furthermore, watch out for how others will project their desires and fantasies onto you.  

1) The Devilish Romantic
A woman drawn to an older man, usually more successful, who can lavish her with attention and gifts. In order to attract his attention, she decides to seduce him. But after time, she realizes his romantic, powerful, and masculine qualities fall short of what she imagined. The attention she gets isn’t enough and she is powerless to change him, and he will not change. She has become trapped by the attention paid to her by her father in early childhood. Her lifelong goal is to reclaim that attention, and the power that came with it. In order to attract this attention, they have to constantly be flirtatious and charming.  

2) The Elusive Woman of Perfection
The man who thinks he has found the perfect woman. Though he hasn’t had many encounters with the woman in question, he imagines all kinds of positive encounters with her in the future. Despite his best efforts, he will quickly become disenchanted. She is not what he thought she would be. He will then proceed to project his fantasies onto the next woman. Men susceptible to this often grew up without a supportive mother. A mother of this sort may have expected her son to her the attention and support lacking from her husband. Due to this role-reversal, a boy in this circumstance will feel empty inside as a man, and a need to fill the attention he didn’t receive.  

3) The Lovable Rebel
The woman who is attracted to men who have a disdain for authority. Unlike the devilish romantic, this guy tends to be young, and unsuccessful. He will have come from outside her usual circle of friends. Women with this tendency often had a distant or strict father. Maybe as a girl, she dreamed of being independent and assertive, but was restricted to following orders and being the obedient daughter.  

4) The Fallen Woman
The man who is attracted to the opposite of what he used to be: good, obedient, and trustworthy. This type of man often had a strong mother figure as a child. Subconsciously they gravitate towards women that are imperfect, bad, or come from different cultures, and/or social classes. His goal is to rescue her, but over time he realizes she isn’t what he expected. These men have a passive and masochistic anima, and they are often used as pawns by these women.  

5) The Superior Man
The woman who is drawn to the superior man- his confidence and power radiate through him. He could be a successful businessman or professor. This is a common projection among women and can be due to feelings of inferiority. Feeling unable to develop these traits herself, she tends to search for these traits in men, and exaggerate their appearance in her imagination. She often attracts men who are attracted to younger women they can dominate- the professor seducing the student scenario. Typically, these men fail to be as clever or brilliant as she imagined. She either leaves disappointed, or gets stuck with her low self-esteem and bends to his manipulations. She should cultivate genuine self-confidence so she could evaluate the character of the men she meets before being misguided.  

6) The Woman to Worship Him
The man who seeks a woman who will worship him. His life is hard, he is driven and ambitious, but he seems to be lacking something. A woman comes along who is warm, attentive and engaging to him. When he pursues certain types of women, he positions them to play the mother role so they can support, adore, and enhance his ego. Generally this projection stems from his relationship with his mother, who adored him and lavished him with attention. She has empowered the boy, and he has become addicted to that kind of attention. He seeks and expects that same kind of attention from the women he meets. He needs to see these patterns of relationship and learn to take care of himself.  

The Original Man/Woman
As children, our sense of self is rather fluid. But during youth, we need to establish a sense of social self- one that is cohesive and would allow us to fit in. To achieve this, our free spirit needs to be trimmed and tightened. This tightening is largely achieved through gender roles. To feel and present a more consistent self, we had to suppress our masculine or feminine qualities.  

Don’t play the expected role, but rather create one that suits you.  

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My own notes:

So this one is an interesting topic.  

For my own part, I get the encouragement to give place to parts of your personality that are outside the social constructs. That’s who you are, and finding a place for those parts will result in a truer version of yourself, and one that is likely to be more effective.

The section on gender projections is I guess important, but I’m not seeing a good way to tie it in to what I see as the main message. With regards to ourselves- the message is to allow traits outside gender norms a place to operate. Don’t stuff those things down. With regard to others, I suppose it’s that we should beware of limiting them too. But these two sections seem less related in this summary. Maybe the book does a better job tying them together.