This is the second law in the series on The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene, as summarized here.

The catch-phrase is: Transform self-love into empathy.  

We are all narcissists, some deeper on the spectrum than others. Humans are social animals and we have a need for attention. There is a spectrum of narcissism. At one end is deep narcissism. At the other end, empathy.

Deep narcissist are self-righteous, reactive, rageful, and seek vengeance. These are essentially masking of insecurities. Some evidences are: conversations need to be centered around you for you to be interested or using high levels of self-confidence to gain attention. But this is to cover up an inner emptiness. For the deep narcissist, attention is survival.  

Most of us fall into the functional narcissist- we like attention, but aren’t always seeking it. We are able to turn attention outward, listen to others and don’t need to continually chase attention from others.  

The opposite of deep narcissism is empathy- absorption in others and not yourself, imagining others perspectives. You can build relationships more easily. Deep narcissist find this hard, and it gets even harder for them through time.  

The four main ways to build an empathetic skill set:

1) Have an empathetic attitude
Don’t assume to already understand people. Each new person is like an undiscovered country, with new chemistry for you to explore.  

2) Visceral empathy
It’s hard to get at what people are thinking, but feelings and mood are much easier to read. Pay attention to the body language and voice of others.  

3) Analytic empathy
Abraham Lincoln once said: I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better. Don’t close yourself off from others that might rub you the wrong way.  

4) Empathetic Skill
Becoming more empathetic is a process. In order to understand others better, you need feedback. You can get this by asking their thoughts and seeing if you were correct in your assumptions.  

Empathy is more than anything, a state of mind, a different way of relating to others.  

Types of Narcissists

1) Complete Control Narcissist
This person has more ambition and higher energy levels than the average deep narcissist….and higher levels of insecurities. They are hyper sensitive to any criticism, but they are also good listeners, so you need to beware, because they can mimic empathy. They don’t do anything with intention of connecting with people, but rather to control and manipulate them.  

2) Theatrical Narcissist
Master of disguise and able to play many different roles. They’ll do anything to seem moral and altruistic, and they love to bask in their status as the victim. Everything they do is for others to see, and for them to gain attention from.

3) Healthy Narcissist
Good mood readers and able to pick up on body language and tone of voice cues. High levels of optimism and confidence. They can lead a team and boost morale.