Confront your dark side.

More often than not, people are not who they seem to be. We all have a dark side, with selfish, aggressive impulses that we hide from the public view to fit in and feel respected and liked. Carl Jung referred to this side as the shadow. It can leak out in times of insecurity or stress. Our dark side tends to reveal itself more as we get older.  

Notable Signs of the Dark Side
Contradictory Behavior- a person that preaches the rules but then breaks them.

Emotional Outbursts- a person who loses self-control easily

Vehement Denial- For example, a person who argues against homosexuality but secretly desires it.  

Over-Idealization- a person who uses a good cause to act in a bad manner.

Accidental Behavior- a person who gets drunk and reveals their true emotions

Projection- accusing someone else of ill motives when in fact that is what drives them.

Compensatory Traits
In order to conceal the shadow, we develop compensatory traits, that cover up the opposite traits we want to keep hidden. The most common are:

The Tough Guy- giving off an intimidating side to cover up vulnerabilities.

The Saint- exudes goodness and purity, but abuses power if given it.

The Fanatic- Impresses with drive and dedication but usually fails to deliver on promises.  

The Snob- exerts superiority from fear of mediocrity.  

The Passive-Aggressive Charmer- Outwardly very nice, but mean behind your back.

The Rigid Rationalist- Use intellect to bully those they feel aren’t as smart.  

The Extreme Entrepeneur- Lots of attention to detail and seems to value independence, but are unable to listen to others or delegate. They secretly want others to take care of them.  

Explore the Shadow
When you become conscious of the shadow and bring it out into the light, it loses its power. You can then control, channel, or integrate it into your life. Doing this brings a more authentic, creative side to life. Follow these steps:

1) See the Shadow- identify and monitor what things makes you touchy and insecure. What causes the shadow to show itself, and what are you trying to hide?

2) Embrace the Shadow- Don’t repress or ignore this part of your personality.  

3) Explore the Shadow- explore the dark impulses and animalistic nature. If it shows up in dark thoughts, don’t try to ignore it. Play with the ideas and channel the energy into your work.  

4) Show the Shadow- Use the shadow as an ally if people get in the way. Respect your own opinions more, and other’s less. Be more assertive and compromise less. Care less about what people think of you. Don’t be afraid to use the shadow at times to offend or even hurt people that have bad intentions or unjustly criticize.

The more you repress the shadow, the darker and uglier it gets.

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My notes:

Learning to repress the dark side of our human natures is part of growing up into productive members of civilized society. Small children would smash each other’s faces to get the toy they want, but that gets disciplined out of us in time. (Or at least… it should…) This isn’t unnatural or bad, it’s what is necessary. But in all of us there is, underneath a pretty thin veneer of civilization, a pretty vile animal that has, and should be, repressed. Some of the language, at least of this summary ( I haven’t read the full book, so maybe Greene discusses this in more detail within), makes it sound like we repress these impulses merely for status reasons. But those that DON’T learn to repress these are what we call criminals and we typically put them in jail. So it’s more than just status, or wanting others to like us, that drives this.

That said, I do think it’s important to acknowledge them and I like the idea of channeling rather than denial.  

Another note on a few of the notable signs of the dark side, particularly the contradictory behavior and vehement denial traits: this is often called hypocrisy, and fair enough, it can be. But at the same time, there are all sorts of behaviors we can both enjoy AND recognize as wrong, or at least, not beneficial. For example, I can know I need to go on a diet and drop a few kilos, but also enjoy junk food and over-eating. I can know watching porn is bad- can lead to addiction and perversions of how I view women, and yet still be attracted to it. Yeah, I suppose that can be called hypocritical, but what’s the alternative? Am I going to say stuffing my face is OK, just because I like it? I know better than that. It’s just the truth that eating moderately is a better choice. Saying so is clearly true and right, even if I don’t like restraining my appetite.  

I do like the idea of exploring and channeling these impulses. One of the things, as a christian, that I recognize is that what we call sins, are perversions of something that is good. We are created as sexual beings. There is a good avenue for that, and there is a bad avenue for that. Hebrews says the marriage bed is undefiled. So God created an avenue for our sexuality. Within that context, have fun. Giving yourself to that person is a deep, deep bond. Ephesians even says it is analog to Jesus and the church- making yourself available and being filled, wanting to have every part of that other person. But there are all kinds of ways in which this can be abused too. Someone who arrives at the conclusion that ‘sex is bad’ because of abuses has missed the point. There are valid outlets, and invalid outlets. So in this sense, I can completely get on board with figuring out what the dark aspects are, understanding where they stem from, and channeling them in a way that’s productive, according to what they were designed to accomplish.