See through other people’s masks.  

We all wear masks to show ourselves off in the best possible light. Outward facing content on social media is quite often not the reality of how someone’s life really is. But these masks have cracks that allow our true feelings to come through. These leaks can be seen in non-verbal cues: certain facial expressions, inflection of the voice, or tension in the body. Awareness of these things will allow us to better read someone’s true feelings.  

If you want to show yourself in the best possible way, and master reading others, practice these three skills:

1) Observational Skills
When having a conversation with someone, pay close attention to micro-expressions. These are split-second occurrences such as a change of the tone of voice, or forced smiles, or body language that gives mixed signals.  

2) Get to know how someone operates in normal situations.  
Then you can compare how they operate under conditions of stress or excitement.  

3) People watch
Spend some time watching how people behave in situations. Take notes. Observe yourself as well.  

Regarding the cracks we can see in people’s masks, they will try as much as possible to prevent those from occurring, but it’s nearly impossible since those are almost completely unconscious and uncontrollable. 

In order to see through the masks, master the decoding keys.

1) Dislike/Like Cues
Pursing of the lips, squinting of the eyes, or the glare; stiffened neck, feet that turn away from you as you engage in conversation, folding of the arms, or excess tension in the body, are all clues. If someone gives you a compliment or praises you without their eyes lighting up, this could be a clue of hidden envy. Learn to distinguish between fake and genuine smiles. Genuine smiles move the eyes, eyebrows and cheeks upward.

2) Dominance/Submission
People who feel dominant tend to talk more in conversations, and interrupt regularly. It’s fairly easy to meet a couple and notice which one is the dominant one in the relationship. The dominant partner may only seem to half listen to their partner in a conversation. And will make eye contact with others in the group, but as often with their partner.  

3) Deception Cues
People trying to hide something will become more chatty and animated. Hand and arm gestures can become more exaggerated. If you perceive someone is trying to deceive you, let them continue to talk as much as they can, and when the time is right, hit them with a pointed question and see what kind of micro-expressions your question creates

The Art of Impression Management

In order to perform optimally in pressure situations, you can do the following:

Beware of Non-Verbal Cues like body language and tone of voice.

Give genuine smiles and welcoming body language.

Make sure you create the right first impression.

Selectively make yourself absent and create an air of mystery, make your behavior less predictable, and project saintly qualities like sincerity and honesty.

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My own notes about this:
I understand and believe that we do role-play. 
Of course some of this is good. Part of not showing others the bad that’s inside of us is because we’ve been trained since childhood to repress those things, essentially for the good. The nasty little human traits that all children show have been beat out of us for the most part by the time we hit adulthood. Those things are there, but we don’t, thankfully, show them to others…. very often.

For some of the more superficial role-playing we do to hide things, I think I’m not particularly adept at reading people. Some cues of course we can’t help but see. But even if I see them, I think I don’t always read them correctly. Or I give people the benefit of the doubt and just take them at face value. 

One thing that did hit home here was the section on dominance and conversation. I have to admit this is me. I tend to do most of the talking between my wife and I, and when we’re out with others, I’ll often not only do most of the talking, but I don’t pay as much attention to her as I do to others.

SOME of that is because, and she’d say the same thing, she doesn’t converse as easily. When we do talk at home, I will try to bring things up to her and get her opinion, and she usually has good perspectives on things. But it kind of hit me about being out with others. I think I need to work on this.